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Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity, by Geoff Steurer
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Product details
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Shadow Mountain; 41166th edition (March 9, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781606419366
ISBN-13: 978-1606419366
ASIN: 1606419366
Product Dimensions:
6.2 x 0.5 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
60 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#374,329 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I bought this book a year ago for my husband's porn addiction. I bought two others also, that we could share and learn from. This was my last option, books. I'd tried everything else. Talking to my husband, pleading for him to stop. Crying my eyes out at the heart wrenching ache he was causing me. For 18 years we've been married, we've battled this disgusting addiction. I've been to counseling in and out of our church. My husband wasn't going to help himself. He didn't feel what he was doing was wrong or that it was hurting me. We've fought, I've screamed, ignored him and threatened to leave. Years would come and go, some were better than others. Always the porn wedge between us. I can't get closer to him until he changes. He can't see why I have a problem with it. I turned to books. There has to be someone out there with good advice and explanation. This book had that. If you are willing, open minded enough to want to change, you can. This book helps to give examples of actual couples and their struggles to help themselves and each other. Some marriages are better off separating, some got help and changed. Reading this book helped me understand the real damage behind porn. It's real and it's severe. I knew that. But how to get my husband to see what he was doing was not only causing damage to me but to himself was my lost cause, until I found this book and others. I felt like I was the only one trying to save our marriage, because I was. He didn't want to change, seek help, or admit he has a serious addiction. I fought with myself saying it's the last time, I'm leaving him this time, I can't do it anymore. I don't want to. I deserve better than this, because I do. But, I just couldn't leave him, deep in my heart I knew I was the only one to help him. If I left him, he would become worse. I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to help him either. So I bought three books. I asked him if he cared enough about me and wanted to change, would he read the books? He agreed. He did read the books. I noticed a change in him as he read the books. I felt he became more aware of his addiction and the damage it caused to himself and to me. I saw him trying harder to please me, like I actually mattered this time. It's been a year since we've read the books. We are still together, because both of us are trying. You can't get lazy in your fight for your marriage. He has had relapses. It's heart crushing to me when he does, but I know now his addiction, it's not my fault and never was. He had it before we were married and I never knew about it until three years into our marriage. I made the choice to help him through this instead of dropping him flat. It is so hard. I know I'm the only one who can help him, I can't Christianly desert him, as badly as I want out of this battle I can't let him fight alone. He will loose. Please if your seeking help, get some books. Educate yourself on the damage porn causes to not just the addicted but their spouses. It took everything I had to give it one last shot. So far, as long as he is honest with me, it's been good between my husband and I. Temptation is real and around every corner. Fight for yourself, spouse, and your marriage. Get control.
I love this book! My husband and I are reading this together and we are only about half way through. But so far, I absolutely love it! It feels like somebody took my exact thoughts/feelings and wrote a book about me. It helps my husband understand where I am coming from and help him know how to help me. He cried through the whole first chapter. This is also helping us both know how to come together and mend our relationship. Things aren't perfect between us and we have still a long way to go, but this book has helped give us hope for our marriage. I highly recommend reading it together as a couple.
It was eye opening and it had points that allowed a conversation to happen. I ordered this book along with Your Brain on Porn and together I think it has a lot of great information. I realized that just like caffeine , or a drug addiction it alters not just you but can leave a lasting effect on your family. It is like anything else it doesn't matter race, sex, rich, poor, religion, or anything else. I learned a lot of good information and would recommend it to people seeking to understand it better. There is a point where you have to put accountability for yourself, your partner, and make some hard choices in order to live in your own truth.
I bought this book withat little hope that it would actually help...but with a try. I have to say, it was the first book I've seen that focuses on a poem addiction and not a sec addiction. It doesn't belittle the addiction for the addictic, nor does it lessen the pain the spouse experiences because of the lies and hurt that comes from such an addiction. It is written by a therapist, with real stories that are dead on how the spouse feels. Most of the time I felt this relief that the book said exactly how I felt....also there is homework for the couple. That was really good too.
This book is difficult. As the woman, I thought the man would benefit more from reading this and thought it had tons of good stuff in it for him. He read it and said it had some good stuff in it, but overall he found it sexiest (he says the make men out to be idiots in the book, I didn't get that...maybe it's a sign he wasn't ready for this step, I'm not sure). Overall, not super helpful for the woman trying to move on and get over it.
This book was invaluable in helping both my husband and I start the process of healing and recovery from his porn addiction. I read it first and found myself relating to so much of it and highlighting so many passages. My husband read it next and also related to so many things and found himself highlighting so many sections as well. It opened the door for honest conversations and helped us both have empathy for each other's perspectives in this terrible and hurtful situation. My husband isn't much of a reader and he has said many times how much he loved this book and that he plans to read it again down the road for reminders during his recovery program. I highly recommend this to any couples experiencing this situation to read together!
Had this on my wishlist for like a year and wish I’d bought it way sooner! This is an excellent book, well written and researched. It’s useful for gaining knowledge/understanding of you and your partner’s experience and gives practical advice to try. I was surprised that it’s intended for couples, the title was a bit misleading, but it’s still a great book (just not what I expected).
An extremely useful book when trying to find the words to describe the situation and the feelings of both partners. Well written, easy to understand. Contains a variety of useful lists and suggestions to foster recovery and trust. This book was a god-send.
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